World Mental Health Day

Today is World  Mental Health Day, and I’ve been reflecting on the power of listening to really change someone’s life. It sounds so simple! And yet we can find it so hard to sit and really hear what someone is saying. As parents we’re used to hearing and responding to practical needs; “I’m hungry!” “I’m tired,” “I’m thirsty,” “Can you play with me?” We can do something about these things, and it feels finished. But when a child says “I hate myself,” “I’m ugly,” “I’m no good,” we feel our anxiety rise and we say things like, “No you’re not! You’re brilliant, you’re beautiful, you’re amazing!” to reassure them. What we need to teach ourselves to do is reflect and respond to the feeling instead of shutting it down, because then we show our child we’re really listening. A simple “It sounds like you’re telling me you don’t like yourself very much right now” can do wonders to open up a conversation instead of shutting it down. “It sounds like things are really tricky for you” keeps the door open instead of closing it.  

In therapy, listening is a simple and powerful tool, and it’s the best one we have in our arsenal. I will not interrupt you, I will not shut you down, and I will listen to whatever you want to give me, and we’ll go wherever you want to take us – together.